Eschatology

Harper’s “Weekly Review” is a handy condensation of all of the horrors and giddiness of a world winding to a whimpering conclusion. This week’s edition is another such catalog. After noting that Harriet Miers “has allegedly described Bush as ‘brilliant,'” that “Dr. David Nabarro, the United Nations representative in charge of coordinating the response to bird flu, said that a bird flu pandemic could kill from 5 to 150 million people. ‘It’s like a combination of global warming and HIV/AIDS,’ he said, ‘ten times faster,'” and that “A Fresno, California, man who stabbed a cross-dressing man to death with a pair of scissors was sentenced to only four years in prison after his attorneys argued that the murder was the result of ‘gay panic,'” it finishes with this:

The Danish Air Force paid a Santa 31,175 kroner after the noise from fighter jets frightened his reindeer, Rudolph, to death. A suicide bomber in Oklahoma blew himself up at a Sooners game, the Marines were recruiting on Craigslist, and Burt Bacharach was recording a protest album with Dr. Dre. “Burt’s pissed,” explained a friend.

Burt’s pissed. Truly the end is nigh.